For the last eight or nine months I’ve been on a journey uncovering some of what happened when I was a small child that has been subconscious and wreaking havoc in my life ever since. It’s pretty demonic black magic stuff and happens on a global scale. But I never got particularly scared. It’s good to know and be able to work with it. Just knowing is part of the freedom from it.
A couple of weeks ago it got to a point where I discombobulated for a minute as I integrated some information. It became clear that the friend helping me was going somewhere with it that I find to be not helpful. Shortly thereafter I asked an “unrelated” question that pissed her off enough that neither of us want to talk to each other again. A full break in our relationship.
That very same day, that dropped relationship, like a cut cord, set me free to stumble onto a reminder of what my path is. A rich new source of info and insight dropped into my world in an instant.
I’m reading Paul Levy’s works on shamanism, Wetiko (one term for the demonic sickness) and quantum physics, and had a private session with him a few days ago.
I am now being creative writing my personal mythology (the topic that pissed off my friend,) and diving back into quantum physics at a new level informed by years of personal experience and failed experiments. It may sound odd but these are what I need to do right now to deal with the issues I face.
It feels like I completed a cycle or phase in my life and am embarking on another, this one closer to my natural empowered connected flowing inviolable self. I’ve had moments of once again feeling part of everything as it arises from the quantum field. Even the sensation of being the wave on the ocean. Lots to be re vealed and re learned and re visioned.
The other day I decided to do a tarot reading to see where I am on the Fool’s Journey. I was handling the Wildwood Tarot deck, when suddenly a clump of cards fell on the table in a neat pile. I pay attention to fallen cards. I’ve never had them fall like this though. So I laid them out in order to see what they had to say. I must say I really liked it. It seemed phenomenal how well it spoke to me. But that is no surprise, knowing how these things work.
From bottom right to top left. There is the Struggle, (8 of Arrows.) Then there is the Journey (13), which is symbolized with the Raven, with whom I identify. I’ll take that as representing the Fool, myself and my journey. The struggle is to one side of me. Perhaps I’m stepping out of the struggle. Next is Fox, King of Bows, a good night hunter to find the way with wit and playfulness. A nice guide through the struggle, yes? The two seem to balance each other well. I love foxes!
The remaining 8 cards have a lot of meaning to me and seem to hold opposing energies, for depth and breadth for the journey ahead. They are not a consecutive journey. My life is not like that. They are key elements I work with.
- The World Tree (21)
- Mourning (7 of Vessels)
- Empowerment (5 of Bows)
- Injustice (2 of Arrows)
- Queen of Vessels, Salmon
- Ecstacy (5 of Vessels)
- Waters of Life (Ace of Vessels)
- Generosity (9 of Vessels)
Five Vessels including the Ace and Queen, two Bows including the King, two Arrows, the Journey card, and the completion of the Major Arcana. Seems well organized to me… Although I notice there are no Stones: Earth, material and practical. Hmmm. Lots of Vessels: water, heart and emotions. Well that is certainly a lot like me and my life! Lol Yes I know I could use more balance. And yet … quantum physics teaches us the illusion of the material practical world, and I am set on the path of reorienting myself to live in conscious connection with quantum potential, learning what material world rules can bend or break or vanish. Also, I learned very clearly that my emotions are my Sacred Guides. So in those ways, the cards are accurate.
I should mention that The World Tree, 21, is more complex than “completion.” It’s also a process of the journey; the labyrinth to the door to the inner world or otherworld; a portal (which is what “door” means.) Do you bypass the labyrinth and just open the door? Hmmmmm. It’s also about the start of the next part of the journey. The seasons cycle and support each other. It’s a Whole system.
Also note the cards next to or above/below each other. Interesting placements! They interact with each other in support and balance and reflection.
All of this leading to the last card, upper left, Generosity. This image is close to how I experience myself in my natural inviolable state. That’s where I’m heading, to stabilize that state.
I find it interesting to get the Queen of Vessels, Salmon, which among other things is about returning to your place of birth to spawn the next generation. This river I’ve been living near, The Mamquam, is a region full of salmon spawning pools. So many salmon come here that it attracts several thousand eagles every year, claimed to be the most eagles in the world. And here comes my re-birth day on Monday. What is spawning in me and my life? That quantum physics orientation for one, writing for another, and much in the unknown.
Interesting how things drop out and in…
It’s quite the portal I’m in.