Last week before the wildfire smoke took hold in our part of the world, a few friends socially distanced around a large fire pit, enjoying a small fire and big dinner together. I was invited to join them since I am staying on the property. The allure for me was that I was invited to play my singing bowls for them at some point in the evening. I love doing that. So I committed to attending. Which meant arranging everything else, including a visit with another friend elsewhere on the island and writing this blog, around that time-space coordinate. Whew. Not easy for a faerie lol.
I did make it back in good timing, even with welcomed food to share. A nice change for me from being late and bringing a bowl of fruit. Fruit is great too. This time I actually “cooked” TWO things. Hahahaha. I sauteed mushrooms and leeks. Yummmmmmm. It was much appreciated by at least one or two other people too!
But I was exhausted and grumpy when I arrived. Just so much going on in my world and not good sleep or exercise. Ugh. Being around people tends to energize me, which came to my aid this evening. I didn’t know these people so I mostly sat listening, which is fine because I was eating!
When it was dark and I was down to my last two bites of food, the host reminds me that they want to hear my singing bowls. Oh ya! I totally forgot, lost in the small talk. I wasn’t quite so tired now, so I dutifully agree, assuming I’d pull it off well enough, letting the sound play. But first I had to take care of practical matters with food and ice.
Before hauling all my bowls and paraphernalia down to the fire pit, I walk back to confirm with them that they still want to do it. One person had already gone home to bed. Maybe the rest were heading that way too? Indeed they agree it’s too dark and late, but they would like to do it another time.
We got to chatting instead. Somehow it comes up about hard times being a Mom. That’s an easy target with a gathering of Moms lol. Maybe it was when they asked me where I’m headed next. I said “I am going to visit my daughter next month. We were supposed to go on a trip last January but she canceled on me at the last minute and then barely spoke to me for six or seven months. I figured Oh No! She really hates me!” THIS, it turns out, is what was wanting to happen, the current collecting us together. One of the Moms really needed to talk about this in her own life! We both have daughters in the late teens not living with us. A much more apropros subject than hearing the bowls. I guess they worked without even playing? I’m fine with that! I often say that the singing bowls are just an excuse to get people on the mat and into my field to do the work…
This Mom is going through a similar thing with her daughter not speaking to her about important things. She asks me what I did, how I handled it. Yow what a loaded question. I’m not expecting this. What have I got for her? What DID I do lol? In a flash I start speaking.
“I held my own heart.”
Lots more came pouring out, more than I can recall. ~ “I was patient.” ~ “Friends remind me that it’s a phase.” ~ “I know her soul well and she has a good mind and a good heart. She knows what she needs to do. I trust her.” Yes yes they all respond. I continue. “Yes it hurts like hell! And that’s OK!” I recount how I found myself saying to the ethers (not to my daughter) “That’s the thanks I get for everything I did for her! Like the old folks complain! Now I know where they get it HAHAHA.” I repeat “patience” many times. I tell them that she spoke to me occasionally and it was clear she didn’t hate me. “Basically,” I said, “She just didn’t particularly need me at that time. She talks to me a lot now!”
I suggest to the woman that she can choose how to handle it, whether to tell her daughter that it hurts, or talk about responsibility in relationships, or wait, or whatever floats her boat. This got her talking. She remembered that her other daughter explained to her that she asks too many questions. This is likely the source of the distance, not any deep jab or rejection or hatred. She seemed much relieved and ready to look further into shifting that way of relating.
Then it was definitely time for the other Moms to get back to their kids.
Getting back together for the singing bowls before I move on is just not in the cards with the smoke hanging on for so long and the host being grumpy-sensitive to it.
Lots of things just not happening this year in the middle of so much collective happening. I’m grateful for the moments like this night that seep in through the cracks, brought by the Currents of Life.