As I sat under the trees and moonlight, with my fingers in the dirt, tapping in and being a mycelium fruiting body, I was made aware that I needed to do a ritual ceremony of completion for my last phase and embarkation of my next phase.
The human loves I was with were in their own thing, not available to participate with me at the time. It was the middle of the night. I went home and grew a ritual with what I had in reach, and what instructions I could access from personal memory and questioning the cosmos.
I needed a witness. My active witnessing is part of that. I invoked my super cute snuggle bear. I figured I’d write this and you-all would witness.
I got the incense and music going, to give texture and depth to the time. I pulled out my bottle of alchemy gold, my crystals,
my oracal/tarot cards, my chocolate.
The bird skull called, but I did not have the energy to open up the back of my van and go digging for it. Sorry to miss you!! Ditto for the crystals not in the bags I pulled out. I have plenty, it’s ok.
The ritual was intended for
completing the phase I’ve been in for the last 8ish months of processing the abuse from my childhood and it’s lingering effects, the demons, predators, entities & black magic involved.
Once the space was setup to begin, I started doing what looks like drawing circles on my left palm, but was actually opening and accessing a portal. Star maps appeared. And symbols, as my finger moved around my palm. My sense of the phase being completed was adjusted to “epoch.” So something much larger was about to be engaged and enacted.
The cards called. First, the Animal Spirit deck. I was wanting Unicorn, I always want Unicorn haha but thought, it’s ok I don’t have to. Besides, I already had Unicorn, with my name and everything, painted on my bag of chocolate!
I opened the deck. Gazelle! Two horns! Kinda unexpected. I had asked for unexpected. Behind her… Unicorn. Upside down! The similarities and contrasts in the two artworks is very interesting.
I read the description for Gazelle. How fitting. “You are so hyper-aware or even hyper-vigilant of your surroundings that you can’t enjoy the beauty you’ve created. The predators are gone. Sit down and come home.” It literally said the predators are gone. Part of the process I went through was to transmute perceptions of predatory energies and realize they are me, disarming them as I care for them as myself. Returning that power and energy
to me. Also cultivating presence with the inviolable aspect of myself that is pure connection to cosmic elemental Flow and Radiance.
This card spoke what I was
celebrating and acknowledging
having done, to a threshold degree, meaning I am through the door but still need to practice the old patterns out of my system.
The Unicorn mirrored behind The Gazelle. Fascinating.
Upsidedown – or is that just frame of reference? It means to look at the world differently to reveal the Unicorn there behind the scenes. When I first came to this campground, a unicorn image was in the leaves and sticks, next to my van. She’s been here the whole time.
I drew from 5 different decks in
order to access different symbolism, energies, guides and beloveds. By about the 7th card I was overwhelmed by the caliber of who was showing up for me. My mind blown by the consistency of cards that are applicable, familiar, helpful, majestic ~ everytime I draw.
Then as I was about to draw the next card, the deck started shouting No No No wrong deck! So I turned it over and put it in the other hand. I was being stubborn because I really
wanted another friend from this one. The card that came was one that had been on the bottom before I shuffled. So it really wanted my attention. But it didn’t seem applicable. I know better than that so I put it on the layout.
Three of arrows. A wooden heart with the arrows shot into it and blood dripped on the ground. Romance triangles and jealousy is not really in my repertoire. I’m
into compersion and open relating and being a unicorn. I am not one to limit love. So what is going on here? I wait for more information.
The next draw from another deck had a similar double appearance. It was one of two cards I had retrieved from being misplaced, returning it into play in case it was needed. Poof there it pops in! Was this legitimate or a mechanical error? No such thing in these circumstances, most of the time. Sometimes cards get so bent that they always pop up. But not this time. So Ok, what’s up? This fairy says check my feet. Ground or learn
to fly properly. Information is on its way so get your alignment and
connections in order! And then that last sentence out of the Blue.
Message received. Checkng my feet!
“The transformative power of Faery turns muck into magic, dross into shining gold, black despair into crystalline joy. As life grows out of death, good can grow from all things we call bad.”
Brian Froud
It seemed enough was enough, but hey this pretty deck is just sitting here, I can’t ignore it. I “accidently” flick one out. “What can I let go of to allow my creativity to flow?” This pertains directly to my next phase. Perfect
question. Asking The right questions is a key to quantum
physics and to exploration and
experimentation and revelation and direction.
I drew another. Not worthy. “What am I judging in others and myself that is keeping me from my creativity?”
SNAP
It all falls into place. The adjustment I need. That jealousy in the three of arrows is not about romance. What is my heart’s desire? It’s not having a mate. It’s a couple of things. One of which is to fully join my Fae tribe. I will never be satisfied with only humans. Another is to do the activities that make me feel alivee and joyful and True. This mostly revolves around moving energy for the Planet and for people. Doing one-on-one sessions.
I want my clinic.
I want my clinic.
Not a clinical clinic. A nice place.
People come, we do magic together, we all feel a bit better.
But one of my triggers/pet
peeves is the preponderance of yet another hippy
opening a retreat center. I go off on rants about the yuck and harm and masquerading and predation that goes on. And. I’m jealous as hell. Why do assholes and egomaniacs get to do it but I don’t?! The card is right. I am too judgmental and playing an egoic game myself of trying to make myself “safer” than those self-important deluded greedy maniacs. See what I mean? I have to stop that shit. Now. It’s a huge constriction and a huge false control mechanism. My own form of delusion and lies. It’s not freedom or truth, which are needed as part of my Heart’s Desire.
Anyhow, the Pathless Journey opens before me, and I’m about ready to enter. This ritual was needed to integrate and formalize and realize and free the energies for my next step into the Field of Possibilities.
Blessed Bee
With tremendous gratitude to the Beings, human and otherwise, who show up with me and support me, co-create magic and reality with me. I am a very fortunate woman. May my fortune feed others’ fortunes. May Peace, Love, Joy and Beauty be the fabric of our lives on this precious Planet Beloved.